Top 10: Funniest Figure Skating Faces

wmmattler March 13, 2010 3

High G’s and high emotion make from some interesting faces from professional figureskaters. Let’s face it these athletes spend years training just to look like idiots in less than a second. Then again, figureskating is kind of a silly sport…

10. Alfala

This guy was figure skating for Darla to the tune of “You Are So beautiful To Me”

9. Call an Abulance

Is this guy having a stoke or doing a triple sowtow? You decide figureskating fans, but someone needs to get a spoon in his mouth before he swallows his tongue.

8. Country Superstar Joins Icecapades

No, K.D. Lang did not join the icecapdes, and neither did Annie Lennox. That’s a guy…. we think. I really wish I knew figures skaters….

7. Look Alike

Micheal Hutchison from INXS killed himself because he heard someone say he looked like this guy. (We are SO going to get sued.)


There’s nothing scarier than a militant gay guy with blades on his feet. Unless you think about George Carlin’s “Cross-eyed nun with a bottle of gin and a bullwhip.” That’s a whole other TT10 list though.

5. Sheer Terror

Nothing says “elegance” like the look of sheer terror. What’s going on here? Did she just get her partner yesterday? Did she find out that the concession stand was all out of chicken nuggets and poonteen? WHAT IS THE DEAL?

4. Inbreeding is an International Problem

How do you say, “I’d like me some of them french fried tatters” in Chinese? I’m not sure, but if there were to be a poster admonishing having sex with your first cousin, this would be the graphic.

3. Drunken Master

After vanquishing 30 foes, the Drunken Master then proceeds to figure skate around the village in his red and black sparkly outfit…

2. ROWL!

Even without the goofy facial expressions, this is hands-down one of the stupidest looking outfits I have ever seen on skaters. It’s almost like they got together and said “We need to shake things up this year and do something different… LET’S BE FRENCH CLOWNS!” Um, even I know that’s played out.

1. Good Lord!

I know what it looks like… that’s why it’s #1.


  1. ... March 19, 2010 at 2:48 pm -

    silly sport? this article is f**king retarded. have you ever tried figure skating? and, f**k homophobia.

  2. wmmattler March 19, 2010 at 9:40 pm -

    Thanks for the comment. To clarify, no one said anything was easy. The costumes are silly. A sport generally involves a scoring system based on more than the stylistic preferences of the judges. Oh, and something’s only a phobia if someone is afraid of it. But thanks for stepping up to the plate “visitor”.

  3. Jacques Strappe November 18, 2011 at 5:19 pm -

    Just what the hell is POONTEEN??? I know what teen poon is. And I know what POUTINE is too. Is that what you were referring to? Perhaps you could use a little help from a dude named Webster. (And no, not the adorable little black kid from TV!)