Top10: Reasons Smoking is Okay…. Not Really

wmmattler April 5, 2011 1

Okay all of the medical research and testimonials haven’t been enough to make some people quit smoking, so we’re using a different tact here; we’re going to point out what’s GREAT about smoking and let the people make an informed choice. **

10. Smoking is Now good for the environment

Oh yes, it is true. Thanks to packaging that is much more biodegradable than gum wrappers or diapers, smoking now is much more responsible than at any other time in cigarette history. We are saving the planet for future generations, too bad we won’t live long enough to enjoy it with them.

9. If the Pack is Girlie- the cigarettes can’t hurt you

It’s true! If a pack of cigarettes is a little lady-like, there’s no way the stuff on the inside will hurt you. Take for example this ad found in a woman’s magazine. Does that look harmful to you?

8. It’s a tradition

Yes, the American Indians smoked lots of tobacco (inhaling was considered poor form in some tribes) so it is your God GIVEN right to keep this a part of your Anglo-Afro-Latino culture. Good job with making sure history lives on. By that way of thinking we should possibly re-institute the Spanish Inquisition and gladiatorial games!

7. Smoking is patriotic

There’s no getting around this one; if you smoke it’s because you love your country. Take for instance the guy in our photo below. The fact that he’s obviously having a bad day and could be shot dead at any moment does not stop him from enjoying a Marb… or maybe it’s because he figures he might not live long enough to get cancer… you decide.

6. Smoking is fun

Never mind what you might have heard about smoking. Forget about the coughing and light headedness and the like. Nope, even camels who are former band geeks have a BLAST when they light up a smoke!

5. Organic Cigarettes are fine!

I think this is right on. Anything natural cannot possibly harm you. The fact is there are lots of natural things in the world that are perfectly okay to smoke… beetles.. guano…and earwax to name just a few. This all natural campaign might have something to it!

4. Smoking After Sex Rocks!!!

Smoking after sex is the best! Without it you might have to have sex again and again. If you smoke after sex, should it be under the sheets or not? I’m going with under… before, during and after… but what do I know?

3. Smoking Makes you play video games better

I thought the candy cigarettes were a thing of the past… apparently not. Good thing too because there’s nothing worse than not knowing how to hold your first cigarette correctly and looking like a dork in front of all the other 5th graders. Good job!

2. Smoking makes you smarter

No really! The black beret and turtle neck are just not complete without a smoldering butt in your hands. Without cigarettes stymieing the supply of oxygen to the brain the genius level would drop. Who needs air to create?!?!

1. Most Non-Smokers don’t mind

Who doesn’t enjoy the smell and chemicals that comes with smoking a nice cigarette? That second hand smoke thing is completely bogus right? I mean you’ve never even SEEN that lady annoying “fake coughing” behind you at the bus stop, so who cares about her, or her children? Besides you’re outside anyway… get lost you bat. Yeah, smoking doesn’t really affect anyone… now B.O.? Yeah that is something that definitely affects everyone- including you. Smoking? Not so much, right?

** It is unfortunate that we have to do this, but here is our disclaimer. TT10 is not pro-smoking. We do not endorse or encourage dangerous and reckless behavior such as giving wedgies to African warlords or gang leaders, huffing nuclear waste or smoking. This is what we call sarcasm used to make a point.

One Comment »

  1. T April 6, 2013 at 5:14 pm -

    The lady at the bus stop is an ignorant dope, as is the writer of this article. The fumes she breathes as cars pass by is way worse than the little bit of second hand smoke she will get from a curtious smoker who stands several feet away.